Surrendered Innocence
by The Midgar Demon
Summary: To fall into Darkness is to live a nightmare. To give youreslf to it is worse still. But which is worse? Not knowing if the one you jumped into that pit for understands? Or having to face her not knowing? Riku central fic. Eventual Riku/Kairi.
1. The End of the Waiting

Surrendered Innocence  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, never have been, never will be, etc. etc., I'm sure you all know the drill by now.  
  
Author's Notes: This is going to be a Riku/Kairi fic. I happen to like the pairing. Those that don't, don't have to read. For those that do, a few quick facts so you aren't left wondering what this lunatic is babbling about now. This is set five years after the end of KH. For those concerned with spoilers, I've taken a few ideas from the special ending and incorporated them into my story, so you have been warned. Don't worry, this is probably going to be my longest AN in the entire story. Enjoy.  
  
Chapter One  
  
She sat there on their island, and watched the sunset. She didn't do it often, because it often stirred up memories, both good and bad, and some days you just don't have the strength to deal with either. Today, though, she wanted to remember. She wanted to remember those years that seemed a lifetime ago, that time that seemed to be as distant as any world she had ever traveled to. She wanted, perhaps even needed, to remember the two boys who would more often than not sit next to her and talk about what ever happened to be on their minds that day.  
  
Usually, Riku would actually talk about something in that serious manner of his, while Sora sorta just drifted along with the conversation, and she, Kairi, would sit there and laugh at both of their antics. She would giggle as Sora made a goofball comment and Riku did his best to correct him without losing his mature façade and start laughing. She would laugh when it took Sora a full five seconds before realizing that what Riku had just said was, in fact, insulting. Sometimes, they all just laughed together at some comment that would be funny only to them, only then. Only five years since.everything, but it seemed so much longer.  
  
With a sigh, the starry blanket of the night sky cast across the heavens long ago, she stood up and walked back to the docks, back to her boat and rowed it back to the mainland. Five years without a word from either. Five years of waiting. Five years.that were about to end.  
  
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Sometimes, he liked to wander off from the rest and just stare. Not that he could see anything, mind you, but that really didn't make that big of a difference. He vaguely remembered Hollow Bastion as a magnificent sight. Of course, all his memories from that time were a bit.colored. Everything had such sinister shapes, such dark edges to them.  
  
Frowning, Riku shook his head to dispel the cloud of depression that threatened to engulf him. He came out here to relax, not brood. Taking several deep breaths, he slowly managed to clear his mind once more, focusing his remaining senses to his surroundings.  
  
The cathedral was always quiet compared to the library, which tended to be a hub of activity. It annoyed Riku to no end. It was suppose to be a library, for crying out loud! Weren't they supposed to be quiet places where people read silently? Pushing the thought out, he took another deep breath, held it, and slowly released, letting the tension drain out of him with it. Letting his mind detach, he could feel his senses sharpening. He could feel the coolness of the stone that surrounded him, could smell the vines that grew through the rock, could nearly taste the ambient water that managed to pervade the air. When he was relaxed like this, it was almost like he could still see. It was close, so close, to what it was like when he didn't need the blindfold and didn't have to worry about the slightest sliver of light causing additional damage to his already hypersensitive eyesight.  
  
Three years in total darkness can do that to you.  
  
Pushing the bitter thought back to the shadowed part of his mind it came from, he soaked up the peace of the ancient sanctuary, listening to a bird high above as it chirped happily at it's work. Here, he could let the self-loathing go, put the nightmares to rest and just relax.  
  
Or at least, he normally could because normally no one would bother him here. The echoing clomp of boots on the stone told him that today's session was getting cut very short. He favored the intruder into his peace with a cool tone, feeling his eyes reflexively open as he came out of the meditative trance.  
  
"What"  
  
Cloud frowned under the scarlet scarf. He was still adjusting to everyone being able to hear him coming so easily. When he was first thrown out into the other worlds, part of what had helped him to survive was the fact that despite his build and obvious differences, no one noticed him coming. Since returning to Hollow Bastion, though, he had yet to sneak up on a single person. He couldn't even catch Aeris off guard. Naturally, he didn't let any of this be heard in his voice.  
  
"They think they've done it."  
  
Riku couldn't fully control the tremble that ran up and down his spine, but he was every bit as much an expert at hiding such things as Cloud, and so it did not reach his voice.  
  
"When?"  
  
"An hour. Two, tops. Shouldn't take any longer than that to pack."  
  
Not trusting his voice at the moment, Riku simply nodded to Cloud, "watching" as the shadowy blob he could almost see through the blindfold turned and walk away without further ado. Once he was sure Cloud was gone, he let his head fall back against the cool stone that only moments ago he had found so comforting. Now it was cold and uncomfortable.  
  
Five years. Five years and several lifetimes. But it was all coming to an end now. After all this time, he was going to catch the dream he had chased for so long. It sent a thrill through him just to consider it. And yet a pit seemed to open up in his stomach at the same time.  
  
So many nights he had awoken from nightmares that centered on this, around what could be and what might happen. It was time though. One way or another, he was going to catch that dream that had kept him going these long years and find out if it was a dream at all, or if it was like the last one he had chased. A nightmare waiting to consume him, mind, body, and soul. With a shuddering breath, he allowed the thought to be voiced, if only in his mind.  
  
Today I return to the Destiny Islands.  
  
AN: And there we are. The first chapter in my Kingdom Hearts fic. Be they ever so humble, all fics have one thing in common. To truly flourish, they need support and attention. Please, R&R. 


	2. Freefalling

Surrendered Innocence  
  
Disclaimer: Yadda yadda ya. Not mine, etc, etc, etc. Is it any wonder these things are so popular to put jokes into?  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Kairi awoke in her bed slowly, taking in a long breath of the familiar ocean air. Sitting up, she went to her window and pushed it open, filling her lungs again as she looked the small harbor village over. There was a charge in the air today. It was a whisper on the wind; an electric feeling that touched everything. It put an extra spring in the morning shopper's steps, added a sharpness to the gull's cries. Something was going to happen today. The constable could feel it, looking at everything with sharper eyes, restlessly twirling his baton around and around by it's string. The merchants could feel it, their eyes glittering at the hope that this would be the day they made a big sale. It was knowledge that rung true to your very bones. Today was going to be special.  
  
Kairi went through her daily routine with extra speed, fixing her simple breakfast in record time. As usual, the mayor and his wife had already left for the day, busy with the daily tasks that occupied their time. Today was her free day, a day when she didn't have any chores that needed doing, didn't have to go to the crèche and watch over the children for the money that kept food on the table and paid the generously low rent the mayor and his wife charged for her room here. Today she could do whatever she wanted.  
  
Sometimes she would take her free days and spend them window shopping, gazing at all the beautiful dresses and ornate jewelry and knick- knacks that filled the windows of the shops and decorated the stalls of the merchants in the bazaar. Always, though, even on those days she worked, she would go over to the island and spend a little time there. It was her private retreat, a break from the "adult" world. Tidus, Selphie, and Wakka still occasionally went over to the island, but not nearly as much as they use to. On most days, she had the entire spot to herself. She especially enjoyed walking the beaches. It always soothed her mind.  
  
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The smell of smoke was everywhere in the small cockpit, threatening to choke him. The snap and fizzle of burned out electronics was drowned out by the roar of the atmosphere tearing away at the ship. He didn't need his eyes to know what had happened. The engines had blown. They were plummeting through the atmosphere, burning up. Pushing himself upright, Riku realized he must have blacked out for a moment. Sora, Donald, and Goofy were all talking at and too each other, slight panic in their voices. Trying to keep it out of his voice, he asked  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"The controls are fried!" the duck squawked at him. They had figured on as much, but he still found he had to swallow past a lump in his throat. Why was it the controls always got fried at times like these? Taking a deep breath, he turned his eyes towards Sora, knowing instinctively where he was.  
  
"Impact?" he asked in as calm a voice as he could manage.  
  
"We got about five minutes." Goofy's voice called over to him from his seat. Riku waited for Sora to finish what he was doing.  
  
"Yes!" the brown haired boy yelled in excitement, his necklace jingling as he jumped in his seat. "We're right on course. We'll fly right over the village and our island and land smack dab in the ocean."  
  
"I'm rather hoping to not be in here when this tub hits the water" Riku said dryly.  
  
"Yeah, let's get out of here!" Donald agreed enthusiastically, checking to make sure that he was strapped in properly. Riku did the same as he heard the others do a quick once-over on their belts.  
  
"Ready?" Sora asked. Getting an affirmative from everyone he pumped one hand in the air and shouted "Then let's go!" and slammed his hand down on the red eject button.  
  
With a shudder, the cockpit launched itself free of the doomed gummi ship, passing through the thick plume of smoke created from both burning up in the atmosphere and the smoldering engines. There was a boom, and then silence, the cries of the gulls still out of earshot from this height. The hum of the small engines that kept the cockpit from freefalling provided the only sound.  
  
"Wow" he heard Sora all but breathe. It was times like this that he felt the deepest sadness over his now lost vision. It must have been a truly breathtaking sight. The islands would still be small specks below them, the huge, blue ocean seeming to stretch out below them forever, the white and green of beaches and trees the only break from the omnipresent blue. He wondered how close to touchdown they were. As he turned in his seat to ask Sora, he felt the cockpit lurch.  
  
"Sora?" he ventured, hoping his voice didn't sound as worried to them as it did to them. The cockpit lurched again, violently this time. Damn his eyes! If he could see, he might be able to do something himself. Instead he was forced to sit here, ignorant and helpless. "Sora, what's going on?"  
  
"Something's wrong with the engines" Sora said in a rush, his words tumbling over each other. "They coulda been damaged when the main engines blew. We're.." he began before another lurch cut him off. This time, the engines did not come back on.  
  
The next few moments were pure pandemonium, Sora, Donald, and Goofy yelling back and forth at each other, full-blown panic in their voices. The last thing Riku remembered was yelling Sora's name over the rattling and shaking of the air against the tiny cockpit, trying to get the younger boy's attention long enough to tell him what was going on, and then a giant whoosh that was accompanied by blinding pain. After that, there was only the true blackness of unconsciousness.  
  
Author's Note: Chapter two up for all my loyal and splendid reviewers. Thank you all! Let's hope I can continue to write a story you'll all enjoy. Of course, I'm sure I can if I continue to get reviewed. What? Have you ever seen a chapter where the author didn't plug you at least once to R&R? I didn't think so. 


	3. Thin Line Between Memory, Dream, and Nig...

Surrendered Innocence  
  
Disclaimer: If this was mine, I would be so rich I would be able to dictate these ideas to someone. Since I'm not, I believe we can all safely assume that Kingdom Hearts does not belong to me.  
  
Author's Note: To note: from now on, a ~ will be used to mark the beginning and ending of a thought. I had originally intended to simply italicize the words, but apparently that doesn't carry over when you upload the story. Ah well. On with the story.  
  
Chapter Three  
  
With an "oomph", the child dropped the final few feet down to the ground, landing in a crouch. Carefully creeping away from the house, he made sure to stay out of sight of anyone that may have been looking out of the windows. Last time he'd been seen, the two grown-ups inside had stopped arguing long enough to storm outside and drag him back in. At that point, they turned their combined wrath on him. He unconsciously rubbed at his bare arms. Once he was sure he was clear of the house, he stood up straight, the moonlight reflecting strangely on his platinum hair.  
  
The child Riku carefully walked through the streets of the sleeping harbor town, alert for the constable making his rounds. He'd gotten caught by him only once, and that was more than enough for him. If his parents had been unhappy the time they caught him sneaking away, they had been positively furious when the constable had brought him back home by the ear.  
  
Stopping below Kairi's window, he considered not waking her up and just sleeping down here tonight. The last time he'd done that, though, she'd caught him in the morning. She'd been so upset and he hadn't known what to do to calm her down. He hated it when she got upset like that. It made him feel weird. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he scuffed his feet against the ground in indecision.  
  
"Riku?" a sleepy voice called out softly into the night, startling him out of his revere. Snapping his head up, he noticed Kairi leaning out of the window, rubbing at her eyes as she looked down at him. Smiling as she noticed him, she tilted her head slightly to the side "Bad night?"  
  
Riku wordlessly nodded his head, feeling a lump in his throat. It wasn't the first time he'd come here during a 'bad night.'  
  
"Well, hold on while I open the door, okay?"  
  
Nodding again, he absently kicked a pebble with the toe of his shoe while he waited. Sometimes, he wondered what would have become of him if Kairi had never come to the islands. She was the only one he could really trust to come to on these nights. Sora would never just let him over without questions. Plus Sora's parents were something of snoops. They weren't exactly untrustworthy.exactly. It was just that they were the sorts to do something "for your own good." That wasn't to say that the mayor and his wife were bad people either. They just weren't the type to push or go snooping. The closest either had come to actually asking him was when they would tell him that they would always be there to listen if he had anything to say. And that was that.  
  
Looking up at the sound of the door opening, he couldn't help but smile back at Kairi. She had an infectious smile, even at the worst of times. Entering at her beckoning, he took a moment to look around the dark house. The grandfather clock to the side of the stairs tick-tocked as it had for time out of mind, regularly wound by the mayor every Sunday evening before going to bed. He could just make out the shape of the couch in front of the living room's fireplace on his left, knowing from regular visits that the mayor's armchair and his wife's rocker were on either side. To the right, the kitchen tile was a diluted white in the moonlight, the kitchen table and chairs casting a long shadow across the floor. Following behind Kairi as she went up the stairs, he made sure to step over the fourth step, which always squeaked.  
  
Once in Kairi's room, Riku took a moment to look around. Originally an attic, the mayor and his wife had converted it into a bedroom shortly after Kairi had arrived. The front of it showed all the signs one would expect from a girl's room, but it was the back that always interested Riku. That's where all the boxes of forgotten treasures had been stacked. Most days when the three of them, Riku, Sora, and Kairi, would hang out over here, they would spend the time looking through the boxes. There were all sorts of stuff there. A lot of it belonged to the current mayor and his wife, but there were also old trinkets left behind by mayors and their wives of years and years ago. There was even an old skulls and crossbones flag, supposedly from the mayor's "Great-great-great-great-great Uncle Magnus' ship, who was also known as 'the three fingered demon of the seas.'" Even if he didn't -totally- believe the mayor, it was still one of his favorite stories.  
  
Ducking under an overhanging root, he stood upright as he came out in the clear section of the secret area. Turning, he noticed Kairi sitting on the cave floor, drawing on the wall. As she turned to wave to him, he noticed something behind her. A pair of sickly yellow eyes in the shadows. He tried to call out to her, but found he had no voice. He tried to run towards her but his legs would not move. Desperately, he tried to reach out and grab hold of her before the Heartless could touch her, but couldn't quite make it. Helpless, he watched in horror as the deceptively small thing drove it's black claws into her chest, pulling them out to hold her heart overhead. Free of his paralysis, he dashed forward, catching Kairi as she slumped forward. Taking her by the shoulders, he frantically screamed her name. A deep booming laugh filled the Darkness, stopping him cold as a shiver of pure fear ran up and down his spine. Almost against his will, he found his head turning towards where the laugh came from.  
  
"Looking for this, boy?" the voice taunted in a laughing tone. And sure enough, there he stood. Easily over six feet tall, his long silver hair was a startling contrast to his bronzed skin; arrogance and viciousness rolled off of him in waves as he hovered in the Darkness, holding Kairi's heart in one hand.  
  
"You want it boy?" Ansem taunted him, extending the heart towards him, his lips curving up into a viciously cruel smirk. "Come and get it"  
  
Surging to his feet, Riku desperately grabbed after the heart, always just a fraction of an inch from success. Stopping a moment to catch his breath, he suddenly stood up straight and looked around.  
  
"Kairi?" There was only Darkness around him now. With a start, he realized that not only could he no longer see Kairi, but also he was wearing those same clothes in which he had battled Sora in Hollow Bastion. Pushing that aside, he continued to look around, trying to spot Kairi.  
  
"Kairi?" he called again, a note of panic in his voice. The only response was Ansem's booming laugh, echoing throughout the Darkness. Finally, he spotted her being carried away by several of the small Shadow Heartless. He tried to race after them, but he didn't seem to be moving. One arm outstretched, he found himself again helpless as she faded away into the Darkness. All he could do was scream her name in despair.  
  
"KAIRI! KAIRI!!! KAIRI!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Author's Note: Yes, I know. I'm evil. I'm evil evil _evil_ to end with such a cliffhanger. But then, the entire point of a cliffhanger is to leave you on the edge of your seat. Will you be coming back to read Chapter Four? I think so. Hey, don't worry. You won't be waiting long. 


	4. A Confusing Reunion

Surrendered Innocence  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Nothing, nadda, zilch, zero, zip. Let's just skip straight to the story, eh?  
  
Chapter Four  
  
"Kairi!" Riku screamed as he bolted upright in bed, the sheets tangled around him from his thrashings, his heart slamming in his chest as his muscles trembled uncontrollably, his sightless eyes reflexively darting back and forth around the room, his entire body soaked by the cold sweats that were so common after-effects of a nightmare. His mind raced as it tried to bring him down from the terror of the horrible memory-dream.  
  
~Dream dream dream dream dream Just a dream Just a dream Only a dream Just a dream Just a dream Only a dream Only a dream Only a dream Only a dream Just a dream~  
  
Taking a shuddering breath, feeling the adrenaline draining out of him, he hugged his knees to his chest with both hands as the shock hit him, resting his blind eyes against them, still trembling. Gods, he hadn't had a nightmare that bad in months. He was a bit surprised he hadn't called the whole castle down on his head.  
  
Something about that thought didn't sit right though. Frowning, he sat upright in bed once more. He couldn't hear the rush of the falls outside. And the smell wasn't right at all for Hollow Bastion. But if this wasn't Hollow Bastion...  
  
In a rush, memory hit him. The ship! The cockpit! So where...?  
  
"Riku? That you?" a familiar, half-asleep voice asked from what sounded like a spot opposite the bed, a deep yawn halfway through slurring the words almost beyond understanding.  
  
"Sora?" he called out questioningly as he tried to feel his way along the bed towards where the voice had originated from, asking rapid-fire questions along the way. "Where are we? What happened? How long...?"  
  
"Woah woah woah, Riku. One question at a time!" the younger boy half- laughed in response as he laid a hand on his platinum haired friend's shoulder, letting him know where he was. "The cockpit engines gave out during the descent and we crashed into the ocean. The console in front of you blew and knocked you out. Me, Donald, and Goofy managed to pull you to shore along with us. You were out for about three days. The doc said it was probably 'cause you got two concussions one right after the other. That cover everything?" Sora shot off in as rapid succession as Riku had asked, leaving him no time to interrupt.  
  
Riku sighed slightly in relief, both from the contact and the information. It helped to both soothe and ground his mind, calming it from the turmoil left in the wake of the nightmare. Still taking deep breaths, he was a moment in responding. "So where -exactly- are we?"  
  
"The doc's house on the mainland." He could hear and feel the smile on Sora's face. "We did it Riku. We're home."  
  
Home. By the Light that was a loaded word. So many memories tied around that single syllable. Home. He mouthed the word as if it were the first time he'd ever heard it, savoring the feel of it on his tongue. Pulling away from Sora, who had been trying to help him around the room to get a feel for the layout, he moved over to where he felt the window would be. Sure enough, he felt glass under his fingertips exactly where he had remembered there should be. Calling on memories of times long ago (or were they really that long ago?), he flung the window open wide, breathing the ocean air in deeply, filling his lungs with it. The smells nearly knocked him back, both with their intensity and all the memories wrapped up in them. They were home. They were home! At that moment, he almost felt like he could fly. A shaking sensation brought him back down to reality.  
  
"Riku? Riku, you okay?" Sora's worried voice penetrated through to his mind. Shaking his head, he turned to give his friend his best smile.  
  
"Never better" He could feel the worry slip out of Sora, the hand on his shoulder relaxing.  
  
"Cool. Listen, there're some clothes on the dresser across from the bed. I'm going to go wait downstairs since you apparently don't need my help getting around here" Sora mock-scolded him. Grinning unrepentantly, Riku simply chuckled and waved the younger boy off. Hearing the door close behind Sora, Riku turned back to the window, filling his lungs again. He was home!  
  
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Leaning against the wall outside the doctor's house, hands folded behind his head, Sora allowed himself to smile stupidly up at the sky. He knew that he was grinning like an idiot, but he didn't really care. He hadn't seen a smile like that on Riku in...well, in five years. His friend had been through all nine levels of Hell and back at least three times. Losing himself to Darkness, getting locked in Kingdom Hearts, finding out he was effectively blind...no, Time had not been kind to Riku at all. It was a relief to see him in high spirits again. As he was waiting, he heard the familiar sounds of Goofy and Donald down the street. He'd sent the two of them to watch over Kairi and make sure she actually got some sleep the night before. She had steadfastly refused to leave Riku's bedside for the two days prior to that, and he wasn't about to let her make herself sick. Riku would have had his hide when he woke up. As the three approached, he was able to pick up on the thread of the conversation.  
  
"...and that's when Donald realized that Riku had had his cap the entire time" Goofy finished, bursting into the unique laugh that so characterized him.  
  
"Very funny, veeeery funny" Donald was grumbling as Goofy and Kairi laughed, arms crossed over his chest, muttering made incomprehensible by his peculiar accent. Kairi noticed him just at that moment.  
  
"Sora!" she called out to him, waving her hand in the air to make sure he had noticed her as she ran ahead of Goofy and Donald. Just as she reached him, the doctor's door opened behind him.  
  
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Kairi laughed along with Goofy's tale. It hadn't taken much prodding to get him going. So much had happened! She had been hoping that someone would tell her exactly why Riku needed that blindfold, but her direct questions to Sora had been met with averted eyes and variations on "not my place to say." Even Goofy and Donald had shied away from giving her a straight answer.  
  
There was a break in the crowd in front of them, and she caught a glimpse of Sora leaned back against the wall of the doctor's house. The Destiny Islands had a small population, so there wasn't a hospital. Most of the people who got hurt got a house call from the doc, some old-fashioned medicine, even older advice, and rested up at home. The doc kept a few extra rooms at his home, though, "just in case."  
  
"Sora!" she called out, waving her hand around in the air in case he hadn't already noticed her. Rushing ahead of Goofy and Donald, she managed to weave her way through the bustling morning crowd either on their way to market or to their boats. Coming out on the other side, she noticed the door to the doctor's house opening. It only took her a glimpse of the familiar blue pants and yellow shirt to know whom it was.  
  
"Riku!!" Launching herself across the space between them, she slammed into his chest, wrapping her arms around him tightly. "Oh Riku, I was so worried. I was on the beach when the gummi ship hit the water, and then I saw the cockpit falling, and you were so still when they pulled you ashore, and you wouldn't wake up, and Riku, oh Riku I was so scared that you were, that you'd..." Unable to finish the thought, she paused for a breath of air and pulled back slightly to look up at him, her smile slowly melting away into a frown as she realized how still he had gone, his arms held stiffly to the side, his gaze fixed in front of him. She'd always been able to tell what he was thinking by looking at his eyes, but the blindfold was in the way. Hesitantly, she reached up towards it. "Riku...?"  
  
With speed that made her jump, one hand snapped up and grabbed hers by the wrist, holding it still. With equal suddenness he released her, taking a step back and looking to the side.  
  
"I..." Riku began, but then paused, mouth opening and closing a few times as he tried to speak. "I...I have to go." And with that, he dashed off, miraculously weaving his way through the crowd, leaving the others behind as they called after him.  
  
Turning, Kairi looked towards Sora, shocked, confused, and hurt. Sora was only able to look back, at a loss for words. The same thought was going through both of their minds, though.  
  
~What the hell was that all about?~  
  
Author's Note: The plot thickens. So exactly what -is- going through Riku's mind? Well if I told you that, what would I write in the next chapter? Don't forget to R&R now.  
  
Oh yeah, and one more thing. I meant to mention it in the AN last chapter, but forgot. Try reading Chapter Three while listening to "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls. Amazing how many stories and characters that song fits... 


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